Busy

I will update soon, life has been crazy

My First Fan

I have never been extremely popular but have always had some people to hang out with. But to be honest I was kind of a nerd. I was a studious kid and always did my homework and had a pretty good work ethic. So much so that I was willing to risk my life for a school project and brave the wilds of the upper kitchen cabinets to complete my assignment.

As a shortish middle schooler I loved school supplies. Anything that provided organization or gave a finished look to a report was on my list. One report in particular needed a little something extra. The casual staple in the top left corner was not going to do it for me. I needed a little pizazz to make my report stand out.

I remembered that my parents had some school supplies in the cabinet above the stove and there just might be a stylish green folder in their that would make my report complete. So like any kid, instead of asking for help I decided to go on my own to get the folder. Being in middle school I was way too short to reach this cabinet so I got a little help from the counter top. I hopped up and began to fish around in the cabinet for a folder until at last I had found them, and there was a selection to my surprise and I picked the best one I could find. No rolled corners or wrinkle marks for me, it had to be straight.

So in my excitement I jumped to my feet and it was here that I encountered my very first fan. Forgetting that I was on a counter and that even though I was short I was not short enough to stand on the counter, I stuck my head directly into the ceiling fan of the kitchen.

Now lucky for me the fan was on….yup you read that right…it was ON. Now if you know me you know that I have a hard head and in a battle you might actually bet on me against the fan, but I was no match for the sneak attack. It was almost as if the fan was waiting and watching and knew that I was a moron and planned its rotation accordingly.

So as I inserted my head into the rotating fan my ear took the brunt of the force causing a nice gash that bled like a stuck pig. The force however knocked my dizzy and I almost fell right off the counter. Unaware of what I happened I climbed down, gathered myself, and surveyed what just hit me.

The fan chuckled as it began its rotation after coming to a dead stop from whacking my head and I looked around to see if anyone saw me.

No one did…whew

The Wabash Cannonball

Family vacations were always a special time in the Isbell family…well more like traumatic. Most of my memories of family vacations revolve around some traumatic event and what lead to it. But one of my favorites is the time we went to OpryLand.

I was just getting to the age where I could enjoy a theme park and ride the majority of the rides. So I was going around with my brother Chris and my Sister Shea to ride all the big kid rides. The funny thing is I don’t remember a single ride we rode. All I remember is the one I didn’t.

As we approached the Wabash Cannonball all I could see through the trees was a half pipe that looked like a plumbing drain from Mario Bros. Not so bad right…until I saw the car of the ride going through the half pipe. There was nothing holding it in. It came through the curve and rode high up the bank of the wall almost to the edge. I froze,  literally, I would not move another inch. I was convinced that when I rode this things that I was going to be in the one car that managed to find its way out of the pipe. I wasn’t going near this thing.

Now a lot of things can be said about my older siblings, but having mercy is not one of them. If you have ever seen the way the mean babysitters treat kids in the movies, that is about how this went down. Chris started with the, you will be ok and it will be fine approach. No Dice. Then he went for the shame approach and tried to shame me into getting on the ride. He underestimated my security with being a coward. I was totally fine with being the kid that never rode that ride because I am a pansy. No worries.

After several minutes of conversation, Chris resorted to force…he tried to drag me onto the ride. Ha, funny guy. I latched onto a trash can and held on for my life. It was like trying to drag a cat into the water and I was not ever going to let go. I was so sure that I was going to die on the ride I was going to take my chances getting beat by my older siblings.

Fortunately for me my parents happened upon us and I was saved. I am sure they were embarressed but all that matters is that I was safely not on the ride. My siblings went and rode it without dying and I to this day I have never tamed the Wabash Cannonball.

War Eagle

I will be heading out for A day this weekend and it looks to be a beautiful weekend to sit on the plains. I am really excited to be able to hang out in Auburn with my Wife and my Children. I will post some next week, but for this weekend I am out like a fat kid in dodgeball.

Left at the Alter

It was a warm sunny summer day and I was standing alone underneath a large tree swaying in the wind. The limo pulled just out site as I realized that I had been left to pick up the pieces and try to move beyond this situation. There was to be no honeymoon for me……but of course it wasn’t my wedding and I was only like 9 so no worries right.

I was actually left at the church alone after my Uncle’s wedding. It is well documented that my parents have a lot of kids and in this particular case it caught up with them. My family had all attended my mom’s brothers wedding in S Alabama and we had managed not to burn the church down which was a victory in itself. After the Wedding everyone loaded up to go to the reception and hang out and party the night away. Some of my siblings got in the car with my parents and some got in my grandparents….I got in the bathroom….and got left.

I came out of the bathroom to find the church empty except some old ladies who were cleaning up and the happy couple and a photographer. I ran outside, unnoticed by my aunt and uncle, and found that the cars were gone, except for the limo. My aunt and uncle came out of the church moments after me towards the limo and I ducked behind a tree. I wasn’t a kid of the world but I knew enough that I did not want to be in the limo with a newlywed couple on the way to the reception.

So I watched the limo pull off and I was left alone. My parents eventually realized I wasn’t with them or my grandparents and came back a got me, but the damage was done. I had been left….and I can assure you I think twice even know before going to the bathroom around my family.

Gravity is for suckers

Growing up in the south everyone needs to learn how to climb trees. One day while I was practice this art I decided that it would be fun if I almost fell into a 6′ sticker bush. Fortunately for me though I have an extreme fear of pain. One so great in fact that it allowed me to avoid a nearly life altering fall.

My sister and I were climbing a tree close to ur house in Millbrook. I am not sure why Shea was climbing with since we were more likely to fight than play together, but in this case I think we were both just climbing for the fun of it. My dad was watching and cheering us on as we climbed ever higher into the sky.

I was climbing up first and start up a branch that v’d off and became two branches. I made my way off to the right when Shea got to the same branch. She wanted to go right so obviously I had to go left. Since I was already a ways out the branch I wasn’t sure how I would back track around my sister and get to the left so I figured I would just switch.

Bad Plan. As I moved over I somehow fell off of my initial perch and was hanging above a large, round sticker bush. This thing actually was big because my dad could not get under me to catch me because of this bush. So my options were fall and try and dig my way out of the bush or to pull myself back into the tree.

Now I know you are thinking that it should have been easy for me to simply pull up back into the tree, but I was not always the strapping specimen of physical fitness that you know and love today. It was actually rather difficult because I was holding on around the limb that was too big for me to grip and use as a pull up bar. So I dangled, screaming like a schoolgirl and trying to decide how bad it was going to hurt when I fell into that bush.

Well after hanging for days (Ok maybe a minute or three) I finally pulled up and then shimmied back down the tree. I was glad to have my feet firmly on the ground.

Easter Memories

Nothing specific here, I will drop in some more stories next week. But for now here are a few things I remember about Easter:

1. Never finding the golden egg. I am the wost egg hunter in the world

2. Cadbury Eggs – I can taste everything about these right now, even the tin foil wrapper.

3. Hard shell marshmallow eggs – These are great

4. Looking for eggs that had slips of paper with money amounts on them….and finding one for $5 months later and not being able to cash it in

5. Hope and expectation of new people coming to church at RiverChase

6. Seeing my kids spit out the candy I love

7. Farah getting PEEPS from everyone she knows – she has made no secret about liking them

8. Understanding that Christmas is great, but it means nothing without Easter.

Booby traps by a really dumb kid

One of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies is “Boody traps, that is what I said, boody traps.” Aside from being impossible to type an Asian accent, that could be one of the funniest things ever uttered in human history from Goonies. If you have never seen Goonies then that won’t be funny to you. If you have and that is not funny to you then this post won’t be either so you may as well stop reading now.

Again, I don’t remember how old I was but when I was growing up my dad was a preacher of sorts at a small county church in Union Springs, AL. We would travel down every weekend for my dad to preach on Sunday. While we were there we would stay in the mobile home next door to the church. It was a good time and cool to go to the church where your dad was the preacher. (NOT)

But on one particular weekend I found a chain somewhere around the trailer. Having seen movies like Goonies I thought it would be cool to set a trap with my chain, but not just any trap. I wanted to set a beaver trap. Why a beaver trap you ask. I don’t know, maybe I had seen a little too much Lady and the Tramp, but anyway I was going to catch a beaver. Now like every kid I knew that beavers were around water so I stealthily looked for some water nearby. I was in luck because no more than 100 feet away from the trailer was a ditch with some water in it. This seemed the perfect place to set my trap for any unsuspecting woodland animals. So I did.

I set my trap and went about my day waiting for the trap to do it’s work. Now looking back on it I have no idea how I thought it was going to catch anything since all I did was throw it in the ditch. I also had no trigger that would let me know when the trap was sprung. So naturally like any kid I lost interest and went back to playing…..until I caught something.

I managed to catch one of the rarest creatures known to man….the working teenager. You see while I went to play something else the neighbor kid who managed the lawn of the church trailer and the church began cutting the grass. He never saw my cleverly disguised by the murky water pile of chain. (Insert evil laugh) As he pushed his pitiful mower over the chain it wrapped around the blade and rendered it useless. My trap had worked….just not for anything helpful.

Fortunately no one saw me “set my trap” and I sure did not volunteer that I had set it, because after the teenager fell for it I wasn’t about to claim to be the dumb one. I mean really, who doesn’t look into a shallow pool of muddy water in a drainage ditch before you cut the grass.

Psh.

Great Weekend

Farah and I spent the weekend in Helen and Memaw and Peepaw came up and kept the boys. We had a great time and really enjoyed having a little down time. I will post another useless story soon.

Oh, so that’s what that means

Have you ever noticed that kids pick up some of the most random things. And often it is not the stuff you want them to pick up. My kids for instance have picked up several things from teenagers that we have hung out with over the years. They have an extensive vocabulary of embarrassing words. But I picked up some of the same stuff when I was growing up as well.

Take for instance the time that I decided it looked cool to take my right fist and place it in the fold of my left arm and then raise my left forearm. It was so cool, I wanted to do it all the time. I don’t remember where I saw this act of awesomeness but I knew that it was the move for me. So walking down the hall at school I decided to show my signature move to the 5th grade class. ( I was in the 2nd grade)

A kid opened the door and I flashed my move. He laughed and shut the door. He opened it again and 2 other kids were there and I flashed it again. They laughed and were totally digging my style. They opened the door a third time and the door was full and so out of a sense of showmanship I flashed my move yet a third time as I strolled away. I felt totally cool and trod into my class feeling like I had inspired the masses.

About an hour later I was summoned by the 5th grade teacher (who was the most feared teacher in my school) and she stood me in front of the class and asked, “Is this him?” The students responded yes and I was sure I was up for some kind of award.

I was taken post haste to the principle’s office and heard the teacher say that I had given her class the bird. I was shocked an appalled at this accusation. The thought that I would do such a thing was offensive. Fortunately for me the principle was out so I was sent to the head basketball coach. He asked me what I did so I showed him my move. He asked me if I knew what that meant to which I innocently replied….no.

He went on to explain to me that my signature move was not a nice thing and meant something not nicer. I felt like an idiot and was made to apologize to the 5th grade class for my ignorance. So I was the kid that gave the fifth graders the bird and lived to tell about it.

Boo-yah